Sharing your formula can be invaluable

I have found out lately that everyone has something they do in life that they think is common, a no-brainer, when it's not.  Sharing these little life formulas can be so helpful to someone else who is struggling with something you breeze through without a thought.

For example, I recently shared a page from my daily planner with a few friends where they could see my rows of sparkly stars each day. I have, for a long time, given my self a star on my calendar to track progress on any new goal, it's highly motivating for me to get a new star and so satisfying to see the pattern but painful when I break it. I don't know what this says for my maturity but I love my stars! A couple friends actually appreciated the insight – they'd never thought of doing that and it has since helped with their goals as well. For me, it's just something I do and I figured everyone did something similar.

Another example I read about a few weeks ago was a successful business man who had a formula for managing his time so he could be most effective in his goals (managing his company and social life) where he maintained a list of his top 50 friends and when he had free time he would start at the top of the list to see who had time to spend with him. It was his way of making sure he spent time with people he valued rather than allowing his time to be absorbed in other ways (in his position there are thousands of people who want his time). For him, it was just logic but for some of us that is an invaluable example of how to design the life you want to live rather than taking whatever you stumble on.

Even when I hear someone's formula and it seems like something completely unapplicable to me, I consider how I could tweak it for my own purposes.  Honestly, making a list of my top 50 people is not exactly going to be a life changer for me but a list of my top ____(fill in the blank)____ to spend time on instead of binge watching something on Hulu could definitely kick things up a notch.

So, I'm curious, what formulas do you have that keep the important bits of your life moving along how you like them?

I've heard quite a few the last couple weeks and they are so simply genius:

• Meal Planning (I'm incorporating this one right now by planning meals up to a month ahead of time)
• Doing all errands on the same day each week
• Also, finding a shopping center where she can get most, if not all errands done in the same place (hair, nails, shipping, groceries etc)
• Weekly/Monthly supply deliveries (from Amazon or other subscription services)
• Scheduling email processing for 2 times per day only
• "Out of office" and processing rules for certain types of emails as well, to automate.

I even had a friend cop to the fact that once per year she throws a party and invites everyone that has invited her over all year as a quick and easy way to repay the kindness.  She gets to limit all the work it takes to throw a party and treat her friends to a fun time, making new connections in the process.

I'd really love to hear more! Please share in the comments below :)

Death & Taxes: even if you don't need a will

It seems like it takes a major life event or great amount of wealth for most of us to write a will. Maybe because it solidifies mortality in our minds and that is scary or maybe, like me, you don't think you need one because you're young, single and fancy free.

This year, I decided to deep clean my house as a birthday gift to myself. A fresher start to a new year. As I was going through some keepsakes, I had things from my grandma who passed away a few years ago and I wondered how difficult it was for her kids to carry out her wishes. I don't know if she had a will or left specific instructions, but I do know there were decisions left to the family, requiring some awkwardness during a very difficult time.

I realized that I want to alleviate as much of that as I can for my family and it was neglectful for me not to have a will. Death of a loved one is hard enough, I didn't want anyone I care about to have to figure out what to do with my yarn collection too!

So, today I'd like to invite you to consider, if you don't have a will, to join me in this simple process I did. It only took about 15 minutes and it was a good first step to being more responsible to my loved ones, now and when I'm gone.

Start by sitting down and writing a letter to the person(s) who will most likely be in charge of things after you're gone. No mushy love stuff, no sentimentality. Just the facts. You can write the tear jerkers later!

The intention of this letter is to delegate the entire business of your life, so please keep it simple and unemotional.

Write down your thoughts and wishes about 

• donating your organs
• funeral arrangements 
• how much should they spend and what should they do with the flowers and cash gifts that arrive?
• which couch cushion you stash your mad money in
• any directions about your assets that you require
• do you have particular items to go to particular people?
• who's responsible for burning your diary and closing your facebook account?

If you're like me, you might include a disclaimer for them to do “this or whatever is easier for you” on parts that you really don't care about but are just letting them off the decision hook.  Permission to put off, delegate or ignore a task might be what they need more.

Then, consider what is left – what isn't on that list? Someone will have to handle that too, who will it be? What do you want them to do?

For example, what should they do with your clothes, dishes and pantry stock? No one thinks about that but believe me, when you're gone, someone is going to be standing there trying to decide who should get the cans of soup and those things hanging in your closet you never wore. You can make it easy by listing your favorite charities and instructions to donate or consider who might benefit from those things and gift them.

That's it! Just a nice list to make life easier for someone who will be deeply sad for losing you, in writing, so there's (hopefully) less drama and confusion.

Now, the caveat here is that laws may or may not uphold your will, there may be extenuating factors and people may even protest it. So, I'd recommend getting professional legal help to make it as official and binding as possible.

Finally, let your person(s) know where this document is and consider giving them copies. There doesn't have to be a conversation about it even – just that it's done.

Don't forget to review it and update periodically *put it on your calendar annually*.

Let me know how it goes. I know I sleep better at night now, I hope you and your loved ones will too.

Being a cognitive miser

This week we were talking about how some of the most successful people live a surprisingly simple life and the various tactics we can adopt from them to also become more successful in our endeavors.

There is actually a lot of science behind why simplifying your life can actually bring you a lot more prosperity, satisfaction and happiness.  One theory is the "cognitive miser".  It has shown that we actually have a limited amount of decision making ability each day, called "decision fatigue". This is the reason that a lot of us can't decide what to have for dinner or lose our resolve to do certain things by the end of the day.  We have literally used up our ability to make decisions through out the day starting with what to wear before we leave for work and all the decisions that follow.

So, if we can minimize some of the simple decisions we have to make each day, imagine how many other opportunities to accomplish bigger things would open up.

You've probably heard of people who have precise morning routines that they rarely deviate from (likely you've heard of them because they are successful and doing an interview about a day in the life, like Tony Robbins, Ivanka Trump etc.).

I don't know about you, but when I hear about these routines I pretty much think it sounds impossible.  I mean, get up before dawn in the middle of winter to go to the gym, cook a big breakfast, read the papers, tie my shoes...ha ha ha.  But, when I feel myself hitting a wall in the evening where I'm looking at the fridge and can't figure out what to do but open a can of peas for dinner, things get ugly.

So, a few of us decided to see if we could change our lives for the better with these tactics and I'm here to report out so we might help you too!

It was harder than we thought!  For example, have you ever thought about the sheer insanity you face at the store?  There are thousands of choices in breakfast cereal,  dozens of types of eggs, don't get me started on the ice cream (seriously, if you want dairy free, sugar free, fat free ice cream maybe you should consider a trip to the produce section instead for a juicy peach), 5 scents of the same brand of bathroom cleaner, hundreds of types of toothpaste and then you have to consider that a lot of those "choices" are actually the very exact same thing from the same plant, off the same line into the same can with a different sticker on each.  We live in a society of unlimited choices for everything and to make matters worse a lot of us want to find the best "deal" in all those choices so we are comparing prices and endorsements to figure it all out. It's a lot of work just to get the supplies we need before we even get to the real work of life.

All that aside, we decided to focus on 3 things: encapsulating our work wardrobe, meal planning and play time (aka exercise).

Wardrobe:

Have you ever noticed that most working men have a uniform?  The same color suit/pants/jacket and maybe a couple color variation of shirts and shoes (which often go to after work and weekend events too)?  More women are adopting that concept as well but every one I know still wants fun accessories and require unique outfits for occasions.

Personally, I've had something of a "uniform" since I got my first job out of college and a wise colleague said she just wore "black pants and a top" everyday so she fit the dress code and didn't spend a lot of money on outfits that the same 10 people were going to see every day anyway.  She was brilliant and didn't even know about decision fatigue.  At the time, I had a love of fashion that led me to a full and vibrant closet but every morning I found myself spending half an hour trying things on until coming back to the 20% of my closet that was easy - the neutral colors and simple tailored lines.  Then, racing out the door.  It took me a couple years before I finally resigned myself to the fact that I did indeed have a uniform and I separated my closet to the work side and the fun side and saved myself that 30 minutes every day.

Meal Planning: 

The next part we tackled was food.  Gemma already had this one down pat to gift the rest of us.  Every morning she had the same bowl of muesli for breakfast with almond milk. Done.  She highly recommended that we each eat the same thing for breakfast every morning.  Our struggle was to decide what.
Jill needed to get 30 grams of protein in the morning so was often struggling between shakes, bars, eggs or a drive thru and trying to feed her kids at the same time (who each wanted something different). She was using a lot of decision making ability first thing in the morning and felt like this one would make the biggest difference in her life.  So, she settled on just having eggs every morning because it was also something her kids would eat without much of a fuss.
A couple weeks later, she reports that it has worked out well.  She thought cooking in the morning would take more time than cereal or a shake but she found they are actually gaining time by not having any discussion around it.  We gave her a gold star!

We also came up with systems for other meals (each night of the week has a theme and lunch is always leftovers).

Play time:

This seemed to be the thing that was hardest to routinize because in the morning was too hard with all the other activities to get out the door and by evening, well we all had used up our cognitive resources so it would end up on the list to definitely do tomorrow. Hmm.

One day I saw an interview with Tracy Anderson (personal trainer of Gwyneth and Madonna) where they asked her what exercises she would recommend for a lady who only had 15 minutes.  Her answer was shocking and real.  She said she would tell them to get out their calendar and figure out why they didn't have an hour to show up for their health every day.

I shared this immediately and we all agreed, we had to do whatever it took to show up for our health every day and got creative, plugging in our exercise when we still had will power left during the day to make it a habit.

We each put a non-negotiable appointment on our calendar no more than 6 hours after we woke up and chose a single workout to do for 40 days.  It might sound boring and go against the crowd who say you need to change up your workout so you don't plateau but that wasn't the point.  What we needed was a decision-less action to take every day to show up for our health.  Maybe after 40 days we can start changing it up, once the core habit is established.

Of course, we made these changes one at a time over the course of a few weeks but the results have been phenomenal.  We have each found more time in our days to do the things we really love and make strategic movement toward huge goals.

I hope that this will inspire or help you if you're also struggling with that feeling of not enough time in the day or running out of will power.  Let me know what your challenges are and I'll share some of our brainstorming with you to help!






The millionaire who lives in an Airstream trailer

When you feel like you're going to hit the wall...

One of the first things you have to learn in racing school is that if you feel like you're going to hit the wall, don't look at the wall!
Why?  Because we have a natural tendency to go toward what we look at and if you're feeling too close to crashing, the best thing to do is look the other way - look where you want to go instead and turn that way.  The funny thing is a lot of people can't learn to do it.

It is the same in regular life too.  So many people find themselves headed in a direction they don't want to go in their careers, relationships, health etc. and want to change their course but a lot can't quite make it.  The ones that do, though, are the people who can tear their concentration away from the potential disaster coming up and look toward what they desire.

I'm sure you've heard that old adage about “what you focus on grows” or some version of it.   That's basically what we're talking about here.

So, where are you going that you don't want to be?  Can I suggest rather than focusing on the thing you don't want, you flip your thoughts to what you do want?

For example, I have a client who had a New Year's goal of losing weight and for months she had been focused on losing that weight, cutting out sugar and processed foods and dieting, yet she didn't have much luck.
We did a quick exercise where she started to state what she did want: a bikini body, glowing skin and shiny hair.  Looking at that list, she said she felt more energized and positive about her desire and we made a simple plan for her to add things to her life that would help her achieve those goals instead of focusing on cutting out, losing and lack.  As she filled her days with the positive actions the things she didn't want naturally fell away and she has since reported amazing success!

The science is there too, showing that a reward is usually a much better motivator than punishment and that replacing a bad habit with something you'd prefer creates much more success than just trying to go "cold turkey".

I'd love to hear from you about the things you struggle with.  Are there ways you can turn it around to state what you do want instead of what you don't?  For example, if you hate your job how does it feel to think about what new job you want instead of just about how to escape the old job you don't?  Or if you're in a bad relationship, how much more empowered would you feel if you focus on the people you want to bring into your life more than the ones you want to kick out?
I'd bet you will feel more confident and find that transition happening so easily you'll hardly notice, when you're coming from an attitude of possibility instead of loss.
Let me know!

You've lost that vacation feeling

I have a question. Have you unwittingly designed a life you want to escape from?

I know a lot of people who start each week complaining that it's Monday and counting down to Friday, dragging through daily routines that feel soul crushing and commonly claim to be tired/stressed/too busy with a roll of the eyes and puffing of cheeks. In fact, I've been there too.

Some seem to enjoy the pain, but I don't believe that is the majority.  I think that they have unconsciously built a life that they want to escape from but don't know how, akin to Stockholm syndrome, only they are their own captor.

Then, they take a vacation or enjoy a weekend and find that it takes a couple days just to detach from things, have some fun and then experience this new phenomenon of "Sunday Night Blues" (read about it here).  It just doesn't seem right.

I've started to think of life like those stipple paintings, where the artist creates a whole picture one tiny dot at a time (hang in here with me). They have a bigger vision so they design the color, shape and spacing of each dot to create the larger piece but you have to have distance from it to see what it is.

So, what if, instead of believing that we have to make huge, dramatic (impossible) changes to have a life we love all the time, we just took it one dot at a time, rather than trying to cram it all into those scant 2 weeks a year and then losing the second we realize it's over?

One choice, one action and one thought at a time.

Then, maybe not tomorrow but a little while from now, we could look back and see the bigger picture and be pleased with it?

I know it's possible, simple even. All it takes is conscious intention and a habit to follow that intention.

For example, I currently intend to enjoy my life to the extreme, so I consider the prospect of enjoyment in everything I do.

Of course, I don't enjoy everything I do (cleaning bathrooms comes to mind) so the question sometimes is: how can I appreciate this?  

At first I didn't remember my intention because I was so busy with my old habit of just getting stuff done like a zombie and life still sucked, a lot.  I needed to remind myself so I started small with notes and items around my house, like a note on the fridge or a lipstick I love on my vanity to trigger that thought.  It only took a few days before I had an automatic, silent mantra: Do I enjoy this?  Sure, some of my choices haven't met the test and I'm not 100% blissed out all the time but when I look back, I can truly say the grand picture pleases me. I don't want to escape from it at all, I want to be tethered to it as it just keeps getting better and better.

I've moved on to bigger things as I gain more confidence and unlearn the concept of "no pain, no gain" and I'm living a life now where there are no more Sunday night blues or vacation withdrawal.  Each dot on my canvas gets me closer to a masterpiece - to my bigger vision, rather than just leading down a chaotic maze.  Do you want that too?

I have a second question for you now. What do you want your life to feel like? 

That is the secret sauce in this formula. To paraphrase Tim Ferriss:  "You don't want a million dollars, you want the life you think a million dollars will give you." Swap out "dollars" for friends/fame/belongings/career/etc. and it still stands. 

So, my advice is to remind yourself of the feeling and try to experience it as often as possible (set up reminders) and I think one day you'll look back and see that you have tossed away the life you wanted to escape and you're living one designed exactly how you like.

Getting What You Really Want

Dear Cece,

There is a woman I see often that has everything I want. I've tried the old advice of doing what she does, if I want what she has, and it's not working.

I don't know how else to get those things, what should I do?

- B

Dear B,

I have a question for you. Do you actually want what she has, exactly, or do you just think you want it?

It's great that you have been inspired to achieve your desires but I wonder if you're focusing on a perception that may not be realistic. I'd also like to invite you to create your own unique and spectacular life instead of trying to be a copy of someone else.

Take some time to journal about the things she has that you want and get really specific about what they are and the feeling that they would bring you. You might be surprised that it isn't the item or the picture you see that you want but the feelings around it that inspire you.

I think you will get more clarity on what it is you actually desire and open up for the effortless and creative ways to get it, unique to your personality and abilities.

On a basic level, you are a different person than she is in many ways. So, trying to copy her isn't going to achieve the same result. In the same vein, even if it did, you might find that result isn't actually satisfying you like you think it will.

Let me know, after a little introspection, what the feelings are you desire that these things represent to you and let's explore how to get what you really want!

Love,

Cece

Burn That Bridge To Keep The Zombies Away

Dear Cece,

Me and my boyfriend have been dating seriously for a long time now and basically, I feel like we have a life together and it's fine but something in my soul feels like there should be more. Like I should be madly in love with the man I'm spending my life with and intoxicated by our life together rather than tolerate it because that is what I have.

I'm not the type to start “shopping” around for a new man and entertaining his social circle keeps me too busy to get one of my my own (since being with him, I've lost many of my own friendships) so I feel like without him I don't have any life at all, much less the potential for something thrilling.

If I break up with him, I'm afraid I'll hurt us both too much and I'll be completely alone and I don't know how to start over. I don't want to start over, actually, I've been working on this one a long time and part of me thinks it's ok to just be “ok” and have a “normal” life. And what if he wouldn't take me back if I wanted to?

What should I do?

Desperately,

Afraid to burn the bridges

Dear Afraid To Burn,

I think we have all been in a situation that was at best mediocre, like you're describing, and understand how difficult it can be to have a clear perspective on what the next right action is.

Do you play it safe (and how long can you stand to)? Or do you listen to that voice in your soul calling out for something...more?

Here's what I want you to do. Go get a quarter. Now flip it and let it fall to the floor – heads you keep your “ok” life, tails you bust out of the rut and burn with the heat of a thousand fires toward that mad love and exciting existence that's quietly calling you, bridges be damned.

Which side is up? How do you feel about that? There's your answer.

Please follow up with me, I really want to know what you decide!

Lots of Love,

Cece

P.S. Sometimes you have to burn that bridge to keep the zombies from catching you and turning you in to one of them.

Dealing With Bullies

Dear Cece,

Why are some people such a**holes? I'm sick of people who think that they can just pester and nag me until I give them the answer they want. I deal with several people who think that sending multiple emails/phone messages/texts/physically appearing etc is going to change my original response but all it does is make me ignore/delete them and then I feel guilty but I don't have time in my day to play those stupid games. How do I deal with them and get back some of my patience and peace in my day?

Thank you for your help,

Pulling my hair out

Dear Pulling,

What you are talking about is simply bullying. We could talk for hours about psychological, societal and personal reasons they are the way they are but the bottom line is that some people think they have the right to attack someone else who isn't doing what they want. This may sound harsh, but that is what they are doing - attacking you!

I assume you have returned their first communication with a sufficient response and they continue to harass you for more or different results and this is the bad behavior you are trying to nip in the bud.

Step 1: Forgive them. Realize that there is a reason that they are acting this way that you may never know and probably couldn't solve if you wanted to. So, take a quiet moment after you receive that bout of harassment from them and say a little prayer that they will be led to a place of peace for whatever ails them and forgive. That action alone will release you from the anger, frustration and guilt of the situation, allowing you to move forward in a positive way.

Step 2: Send them one last response, politely stating that nothing has changed and they do not need to keep "following up" or similar.

Step 3: Ignore any further contact about that particular interaction. Forgive and delete, repeat as needed.

This is probably going to be very difficult no matter what type of situation you are in with this person, whether personal or professional. You may need to talk about it with other people in your life for support and specific solutions so I'd encourage you to ask yourself, on a case by case basis, before you do so:

Will talking about it to this person make anything better? Can they help or are you just gossiping?

For instance, talking to your boss or a trusted coworker about the situation and asking for advice or mentoring around how to handle that particular person or generic situation may help stave off any complications at work and alert them to a potential disaster waiting to happen. But, talking to all your coworkers during happy hour is probably just gossip and going to shed a negative light on you and your own work ethic - don't be that person.

Pulling, my dear, I sincerely hope this helps and keep me posted on how the situation progresses!

Cece

How About Those New Year's Resolutions?

So, it's the last week of January and a lot of us still have those New Year's resolutions that we haven't started and once February 1 comes, we are 95% less likely to ever start them!

Today, I want to encourage you to take one small step toward your goal/resolution, if you haven't already. It doesn't have to be big or take a long time...and let me know how I can help! Do you need suggestions to spark some action? I've come up with a quick list below to help get you started. **I am NOT affiliated with any of the resources, I have used them personally so I'm only sharing, not endorsing.**

If your goals are health oriented:

Put your exercise equipment somewhere convenient so you will be reminded to use it.

Find a local organic produce store or delivery service. Try a search for "organic food delivery (insert your city)". Having a regularly scheduled delivery of produce will help you work those into your daily meals and start to crowd out the junk food. Here's a website that can help you find one too: http://www.seriouseats.com/2013/07/guide-to-farm-to-door-delivery-services-usa.html

Don't force yourself to do long workouts. Give yourself permission to do 1 minute, 5 minutes or whatever will fit into your schedule. For example, do jumping jacks or lift free weights (cans of veggies work!) in your kitchen while you heat up food in the microwave or do a couple stretches while the coffee brews. I promise, even if you start tiny every step gets you closer to your goal, momentum will carry you.

Check out http://www.hulu.com/tv/genres/health-and-wellness, https://www.youtube.com/ or your library for a ton of free workout and cooking shows as well as health news.

If your goal is money or career oriented:

Find out if you're being paid what you're worth. Here are 3 sites to get you started: http://www.glassdoor.com/index.htm http://www.payscale.com/ http://www.salary.com/

If you're a freelancer, search for a book or blog on how to negotiate your rates and increase the value you provide. Two people I read/watch each week are: http://www.marieforleo.com/ and http://fourhourworkweek.com/blog/

Increase your skills! Find a cheap, online, anytime class in a topic you've always wanted to pursue. I've taken a few (live & free!) here: https://www.creativelive.com/ they also have a catalog of recorded classes on tons of business and creative topics. If you can afford a little more or your company will help foot the cost shop here too: http://www.amanet.org/

Track your spending/Budget. You can buy software or use a simple spreadsheet. Try a google search "budget templates" "spending tracker" and find a format that works for you. Once you can see how much money you are spending on different categories, you are empowered to make better choices and feel confident in them. Here's a couple sites to start: https://templates.office.com/en-us/Budgets or Google personal finance templates. The beauty of using a spreadsheet like this is that you can rename the categories to fit your personal preferences.

If your goal is purely personal development:

More an more universities and colleges offer online programs or even post the class syllabus for various classes. You can do a self study in almost any topic from an ivy league school, for free, just by following the syllabus.

Look through the community paper and rec center catalogs before you throw them in the recycle bin. You might be surprised what they offer. For less than the cost of dinner at a restaurant you can take classes in specialized software, yoga, finances, crafts like knitting or pottery and so many more.

If your goal is spiritual...let's talk! This can be such a personal and multi-faceted goal that generic suggestions can actually be off-putting and I refuse to discourage you.

What did I forget? I'd love to hear what your resolution/goal is for this year.

Balance - what are you getting for your sacrifice?

The last couple weeks we've been having many conversations about living a balanced life, specifically when it comes to your job. Are you the kind of person that lives to work or works to live? Maybe it's not that simple.

We have been talking about the value around how much time you spend on the job and commuting vs leisure at home with family and friends. Although many people still have a 9-5 type job where the boundaries and compensation of those hours are very clear, there are many more people in "exempt" (or salaried) positions who find that those boundaries are not as clear and recently becoming more and more broken. It might start with an employer provided smart phone (sometimes considered compensation) or even working at home, that allows coworkers to get in touch with you 24/7 and vice versa, which makes "going to the office" more and more irrelevant to get business done. This brings a lot of apparent freedom for an individual who can more easily take care of personal tasks during times that used to be off limits due to office hours, but it also carries a sacrifice when there is no "out of office" hours anymore and life becomes a constant cacophony of work and personal, all intermingled. Most of us start to experience heightened stress levels and even physical illness when we aren't able to isolate different parts of our lives that need to be handled in different ways.

Further, employers like to market these flexible work arrangements as non-monetary compensation, all but ignoring the huge benefit to the company in having employees basically on call 24/7. What it comes down to is that we have to take more personal responsibility for setting expectations and boundaries, based on the benefits vs sacrifice in each situation.

The good news is that this isn't a new problem, as long as there has been work a person had to decide how much they were willing to do before they took a break to do something else. What is new is the technology which doesn't discriminate between an email from your spouse, a tweet from a stranger or a call from your boss when it's on. It will prompt you constantly with reminder tones, if you let it, and managing those alerts can be a job in itself.

At the end of the day, we each have to decide how much of a sacrifice our personal time is compared to the benefit of a flexible work location or how often we are willing to answer those business messages compared to the compensation we receive to do so. Do you love your job so the sacrifice isn't significant? Is work interfering with your close, loving relationships because you're afraid to miss an important message? Are you missing out on life because you're tied to a screen waiting for the next bit of information to cross it? Or are you out enjoying more because you can answer those calls ala carte? It's a tough call sometimes and these are questions I pose often.

What are your thoughts?

On a related note, a friend of mine mentioned that in the "old days" people's livelihood was their life. For example, farmers and people who own their own business such as a store or restaurant. Although they might not have a boss pinging them past bed time, they might have customers demanding their time or sick animals to take care of into the night. How did they create balance?

A topic as old as time, I'd love to hear what you think!

"Forget how much you're down. Think from now on."

I recently got some profound advice which has stuck in the front of my mind for days and I felt called to share it with you too.

A couple months ago I made an impulsive decision which quickly went south and have been riding it down ever since, bypassing many opportunities to cut my losses to a point where things seemed a little hopeless. Finally, here I was making a final decision - do I hold on in hopes that this will turn up again over the course of several months or do I cut my losses before it actually hits rock bottom?

So I turned to some of my "running buddies" for advice and got many brilliant ideas but one in particular really resonated. Basically, would I engage in this particular situation if it presented itself to me today, exactly as it is? "Forget how much you're down. Think: from now on."

I'm sharing this with you today because I think we all have many times when we feel discouraged over things that seem to have gone wrong. We beat ourselves up for not making the "right" decision but we need to move on anyway instead of staying trapped in that unhealthy and useless cycle.

I was lucky enough to have someone push me out of that cycle and tell me to quit worrying about the past and move on. How many times do you hear that? These words just made more sense to me, I guess. "Think: from now on."

So I started applying it to everything in my life: work, relationships and myself. So far, it's given me a better perspective and positive action and I hope it will for you too.

For example, if you're working in a job or career where you feel like you have let opportunities pass that you should have pursued, don't get bogged down about what is "lost" think about the opportunities you have now or can get ready for in the future. Say, "From now on I'm going to _______." Fill in the blank with your wish list.

We all have relationships that we wish some aspect of it was different. Things we should have said or done that the time has passed, maybe it doesn't matter anymore. Or does it? Are there things you should still say or do? Can you get ready for the next time that situation comes up and handle it better next time (believe me, there will be a next time)? "From now on..."

Is there something you should be doing for yourself that you keep putting off or think the chance is gone? Think about what you can do from now on to make sure more doesn't pass you by.

So that's my story for today and my hope that every time you are facing a situation where you want to go deep into a dark hole of disappointment and regret you'll remember to say "From now on I'm going to..." and let me know how it goes!

Lots of love from me to you!

30 second tricks to rock your day...

Hi, again!

So, did you try anything from the last post on building healthy habits (click here)? How did it go?

This week, let's talk about 2 things you can do all day, that will take 5-30 seconds and make a huge difference in how you feel and your health in general.

Most people don't think much about their breathing and identifying peak energy times during the day, but they can be 2 things that only take a few seconds but can create profound positive changes.

So, you're probably thinking that breathing is automatic, no need to think about it and, for the most part, it is. What's interesting about breathing is that we can't live without it and we can control it easily, unlike other essential bodily functions like our heart beating. Consciously controlling your breath, specifically by doing deep breathing in this example, can help you to also take control of situations and your health!

Here's what I suggest:

1. Pick a time during the day to practice doing 3 deep belly breaths. These are those big, deep breaths that expand your lower abdomen and you can even feel it in your back and hips as those muscles relax and expand to allow more space for your breath.

A good way to make this a habit is to connect it with another activity you do during your normal day. It could be before returning messages after lunch, going to the bathroom, getting a cup of coffee/tea/water, waiting in line, or picking up the kids. Anything that you do every day and have 30 seconds to tack this on to one end.

The rest is super simple. Just sit comfortably or stand with your feet planted on the floor about hip width apart, roll your shoulders back and straighten your spine so you have good posture. Then, take a deep breath in through your nose while counting silently to 5 and then exhale through your mouth to a count of 5. Repeat that 2 more times and notice how you feel.

The science behind it is that when we breathe deeply, we are giving our body and brain a signal that everything is ok, which allows our stress response to turn off and causes all sorts of great things to happen. In a state of calm our bodies begin to heal and we are able to think more clearly to be more effective rather than just react to our situation. It also gives you a bump in oxygen to increase your energy and alertness helping you feel refreshed as well.

Now, #2 is to notice your overall energy and alertness through the day and leverage it to get back more time, stress less and be happy. You probably already know if you're a morning person or night owl, right? If you want extra credit on this one, carry a calendar or notepad with you for a week (maybe in your phone), and write down the times of day when you feel tired and when you feel really productive. Even on the weekend! You'll notice a pattern like an obvious 2 PM slump or an 9 AM spike in energy.

Take advantage of those times you're really "on" to schedule your most difficult tasks or time to do plan and analyze things. Examples: if you are teaching something, plan it for your "on" time or if you need to go to the Dr. try to schedule it at a time you will be most capable to ask questions and understand instructions.

Likewise, take advantage of your less productive time frames to schedule something mundane like a dentist appointment where the hour lying in a chair drooling won't matter or do your busy work and repetitive tasks that don't require much thought. You may even find that you can adjust almost your entire schedule to take advantage of your natural energy rhythm, over time, by making these small shifts. Bonus points if you can identify these time frames in the people around you the most, because you will be able to approach them at the most opportune times as well.

The benefits are huge! When you can leverage your strengths, you'll accomplish more and do everything with more excellence. You'll also feel less stressed out, which can mean less illness and bad moods leading to a lot more fun time doing things you enjoy with the people you love. Who doesn't want that?

Let me know how it goes. As always, I love hearing from you!

Here's another personal example from me so you can really see what I mean: I can rock 11 AM -3PM like nobody's business and then I get a second wind around 7 PM - 1AM so, if I have my choice I schedule meetings during mid-day and do any work that requires thought and attention in the evening. For example, if someone wants to schedule a consult I'll always choose a time when I know I'll be thinking quicker on my feet. Then, you'll often find me doing tasks like reviewing budgets and doing follow up emails after 3 pm because they are routine.

It wasn't always like this. I struggled for years with early morning bosses who would ask for updates first thing, when I was more apt to just get my computer on and read emails until my brain fully woke up. Once I learned to quit fighting my natural rhythm and wishing I was more of a morning person, I was able to take control of the situation and compromise, even without them knowing! Needless to say this created a lot of ease in my life, lowered my stress levels and made me a lot happier and fun to be around. Believe me, your coworkers appreciate it when you're happier.

So, I started poking my head in at the end of each day with an update for my boss, when I was able to be more coherent and it worked out brilliantly :) Not only did my boss love that I was proactively giving him the info he needed rather than having to drag it out of my foggy head everyday, he had it at his finger tips when he could best process it, the next morning. Win- win.

I started setting similar expectations with everybody and people love someone who is consistent above almost all else. Knowing when they could expect a returned email or phone call from me kept a lot of the needless follow-up and chasing to a minimum, which freed up even more of my time (and theirs) so I was able to focus on more value add work.

It only took a few weeks and my boss and coworkers were often calling me a "rockstar". I went from dreading every morning and spending afternoons feeling frazzled to knowing that I was going to be able to ease in to my day and be really productive and valued.

I know you can do this too and don't hesitate to let me know if you need help.

Until next time...don't forget to breathe!