Sharing your formula can be invaluable

I have found out lately that everyone has something they do in life that they think is common, a no-brainer, when it's not.  Sharing these little life formulas can be so helpful to someone else who is struggling with something you breeze through without a thought.

For example, I recently shared a page from my daily planner with a few friends where they could see my rows of sparkly stars each day. I have, for a long time, given my self a star on my calendar to track progress on any new goal, it's highly motivating for me to get a new star and so satisfying to see the pattern but painful when I break it. I don't know what this says for my maturity but I love my stars! A couple friends actually appreciated the insight – they'd never thought of doing that and it has since helped with their goals as well. For me, it's just something I do and I figured everyone did something similar.

Another example I read about a few weeks ago was a successful business man who had a formula for managing his time so he could be most effective in his goals (managing his company and social life) where he maintained a list of his top 50 friends and when he had free time he would start at the top of the list to see who had time to spend with him. It was his way of making sure he spent time with people he valued rather than allowing his time to be absorbed in other ways (in his position there are thousands of people who want his time). For him, it was just logic but for some of us that is an invaluable example of how to design the life you want to live rather than taking whatever you stumble on.

Even when I hear someone's formula and it seems like something completely unapplicable to me, I consider how I could tweak it for my own purposes.  Honestly, making a list of my top 50 people is not exactly going to be a life changer for me but a list of my top ____(fill in the blank)____ to spend time on instead of binge watching something on Hulu could definitely kick things up a notch.

So, I'm curious, what formulas do you have that keep the important bits of your life moving along how you like them?

I've heard quite a few the last couple weeks and they are so simply genius:

• Meal Planning (I'm incorporating this one right now by planning meals up to a month ahead of time)
• Doing all errands on the same day each week
• Also, finding a shopping center where she can get most, if not all errands done in the same place (hair, nails, shipping, groceries etc)
• Weekly/Monthly supply deliveries (from Amazon or other subscription services)
• Scheduling email processing for 2 times per day only
• "Out of office" and processing rules for certain types of emails as well, to automate.

I even had a friend cop to the fact that once per year she throws a party and invites everyone that has invited her over all year as a quick and easy way to repay the kindness.  She gets to limit all the work it takes to throw a party and treat her friends to a fun time, making new connections in the process.

I'd really love to hear more! Please share in the comments below :)

When you feel like you're going to hit the wall...

One of the first things you have to learn in racing school is that if you feel like you're going to hit the wall, don't look at the wall!
Why?  Because we have a natural tendency to go toward what we look at and if you're feeling too close to crashing, the best thing to do is look the other way - look where you want to go instead and turn that way.  The funny thing is a lot of people can't learn to do it.

It is the same in regular life too.  So many people find themselves headed in a direction they don't want to go in their careers, relationships, health etc. and want to change their course but a lot can't quite make it.  The ones that do, though, are the people who can tear their concentration away from the potential disaster coming up and look toward what they desire.

I'm sure you've heard that old adage about “what you focus on grows” or some version of it.   That's basically what we're talking about here.

So, where are you going that you don't want to be?  Can I suggest rather than focusing on the thing you don't want, you flip your thoughts to what you do want?

For example, I have a client who had a New Year's goal of losing weight and for months she had been focused on losing that weight, cutting out sugar and processed foods and dieting, yet she didn't have much luck.
We did a quick exercise where she started to state what she did want: a bikini body, glowing skin and shiny hair.  Looking at that list, she said she felt more energized and positive about her desire and we made a simple plan for her to add things to her life that would help her achieve those goals instead of focusing on cutting out, losing and lack.  As she filled her days with the positive actions the things she didn't want naturally fell away and she has since reported amazing success!

The science is there too, showing that a reward is usually a much better motivator than punishment and that replacing a bad habit with something you'd prefer creates much more success than just trying to go "cold turkey".

I'd love to hear from you about the things you struggle with.  Are there ways you can turn it around to state what you do want instead of what you don't?  For example, if you hate your job how does it feel to think about what new job you want instead of just about how to escape the old job you don't?  Or if you're in a bad relationship, how much more empowered would you feel if you focus on the people you want to bring into your life more than the ones you want to kick out?
I'd bet you will feel more confident and find that transition happening so easily you'll hardly notice, when you're coming from an attitude of possibility instead of loss.
Let me know!

Getting What You Really Want

Dear Cece,

There is a woman I see often that has everything I want. I've tried the old advice of doing what she does, if I want what she has, and it's not working.

I don't know how else to get those things, what should I do?

- B

Dear B,

I have a question for you. Do you actually want what she has, exactly, or do you just think you want it?

It's great that you have been inspired to achieve your desires but I wonder if you're focusing on a perception that may not be realistic. I'd also like to invite you to create your own unique and spectacular life instead of trying to be a copy of someone else.

Take some time to journal about the things she has that you want and get really specific about what they are and the feeling that they would bring you. You might be surprised that it isn't the item or the picture you see that you want but the feelings around it that inspire you.

I think you will get more clarity on what it is you actually desire and open up for the effortless and creative ways to get it, unique to your personality and abilities.

On a basic level, you are a different person than she is in many ways. So, trying to copy her isn't going to achieve the same result. In the same vein, even if it did, you might find that result isn't actually satisfying you like you think it will.

Let me know, after a little introspection, what the feelings are you desire that these things represent to you and let's explore how to get what you really want!

Love,

Cece

How About Those New Year's Resolutions?

So, it's the last week of January and a lot of us still have those New Year's resolutions that we haven't started and once February 1 comes, we are 95% less likely to ever start them!

Today, I want to encourage you to take one small step toward your goal/resolution, if you haven't already. It doesn't have to be big or take a long time...and let me know how I can help! Do you need suggestions to spark some action? I've come up with a quick list below to help get you started. **I am NOT affiliated with any of the resources, I have used them personally so I'm only sharing, not endorsing.**

If your goals are health oriented:

Put your exercise equipment somewhere convenient so you will be reminded to use it.

Find a local organic produce store or delivery service. Try a search for "organic food delivery (insert your city)". Having a regularly scheduled delivery of produce will help you work those into your daily meals and start to crowd out the junk food. Here's a website that can help you find one too: http://www.seriouseats.com/2013/07/guide-to-farm-to-door-delivery-services-usa.html

Don't force yourself to do long workouts. Give yourself permission to do 1 minute, 5 minutes or whatever will fit into your schedule. For example, do jumping jacks or lift free weights (cans of veggies work!) in your kitchen while you heat up food in the microwave or do a couple stretches while the coffee brews. I promise, even if you start tiny every step gets you closer to your goal, momentum will carry you.

Check out http://www.hulu.com/tv/genres/health-and-wellness, https://www.youtube.com/ or your library for a ton of free workout and cooking shows as well as health news.

If your goal is money or career oriented:

Find out if you're being paid what you're worth. Here are 3 sites to get you started: http://www.glassdoor.com/index.htm http://www.payscale.com/ http://www.salary.com/

If you're a freelancer, search for a book or blog on how to negotiate your rates and increase the value you provide. Two people I read/watch each week are: http://www.marieforleo.com/ and http://fourhourworkweek.com/blog/

Increase your skills! Find a cheap, online, anytime class in a topic you've always wanted to pursue. I've taken a few (live & free!) here: https://www.creativelive.com/ they also have a catalog of recorded classes on tons of business and creative topics. If you can afford a little more or your company will help foot the cost shop here too: http://www.amanet.org/

Track your spending/Budget. You can buy software or use a simple spreadsheet. Try a google search "budget templates" "spending tracker" and find a format that works for you. Once you can see how much money you are spending on different categories, you are empowered to make better choices and feel confident in them. Here's a couple sites to start: https://templates.office.com/en-us/Budgets or Google personal finance templates. The beauty of using a spreadsheet like this is that you can rename the categories to fit your personal preferences.

If your goal is purely personal development:

More an more universities and colleges offer online programs or even post the class syllabus for various classes. You can do a self study in almost any topic from an ivy league school, for free, just by following the syllabus.

Look through the community paper and rec center catalogs before you throw them in the recycle bin. You might be surprised what they offer. For less than the cost of dinner at a restaurant you can take classes in specialized software, yoga, finances, crafts like knitting or pottery and so many more.

If your goal is spiritual...let's talk! This can be such a personal and multi-faceted goal that generic suggestions can actually be off-putting and I refuse to discourage you.

What did I forget? I'd love to hear what your resolution/goal is for this year.

Balance - what are you getting for your sacrifice?

The last couple weeks we've been having many conversations about living a balanced life, specifically when it comes to your job. Are you the kind of person that lives to work or works to live? Maybe it's not that simple.

We have been talking about the value around how much time you spend on the job and commuting vs leisure at home with family and friends. Although many people still have a 9-5 type job where the boundaries and compensation of those hours are very clear, there are many more people in "exempt" (or salaried) positions who find that those boundaries are not as clear and recently becoming more and more broken. It might start with an employer provided smart phone (sometimes considered compensation) or even working at home, that allows coworkers to get in touch with you 24/7 and vice versa, which makes "going to the office" more and more irrelevant to get business done. This brings a lot of apparent freedom for an individual who can more easily take care of personal tasks during times that used to be off limits due to office hours, but it also carries a sacrifice when there is no "out of office" hours anymore and life becomes a constant cacophony of work and personal, all intermingled. Most of us start to experience heightened stress levels and even physical illness when we aren't able to isolate different parts of our lives that need to be handled in different ways.

Further, employers like to market these flexible work arrangements as non-monetary compensation, all but ignoring the huge benefit to the company in having employees basically on call 24/7. What it comes down to is that we have to take more personal responsibility for setting expectations and boundaries, based on the benefits vs sacrifice in each situation.

The good news is that this isn't a new problem, as long as there has been work a person had to decide how much they were willing to do before they took a break to do something else. What is new is the technology which doesn't discriminate between an email from your spouse, a tweet from a stranger or a call from your boss when it's on. It will prompt you constantly with reminder tones, if you let it, and managing those alerts can be a job in itself.

At the end of the day, we each have to decide how much of a sacrifice our personal time is compared to the benefit of a flexible work location or how often we are willing to answer those business messages compared to the compensation we receive to do so. Do you love your job so the sacrifice isn't significant? Is work interfering with your close, loving relationships because you're afraid to miss an important message? Are you missing out on life because you're tied to a screen waiting for the next bit of information to cross it? Or are you out enjoying more because you can answer those calls ala carte? It's a tough call sometimes and these are questions I pose often.

What are your thoughts?

On a related note, a friend of mine mentioned that in the "old days" people's livelihood was their life. For example, farmers and people who own their own business such as a store or restaurant. Although they might not have a boss pinging them past bed time, they might have customers demanding their time or sick animals to take care of into the night. How did they create balance?

A topic as old as time, I'd love to hear what you think!

"Forget how much you're down. Think from now on."

I recently got some profound advice which has stuck in the front of my mind for days and I felt called to share it with you too.

A couple months ago I made an impulsive decision which quickly went south and have been riding it down ever since, bypassing many opportunities to cut my losses to a point where things seemed a little hopeless. Finally, here I was making a final decision - do I hold on in hopes that this will turn up again over the course of several months or do I cut my losses before it actually hits rock bottom?

So I turned to some of my "running buddies" for advice and got many brilliant ideas but one in particular really resonated. Basically, would I engage in this particular situation if it presented itself to me today, exactly as it is? "Forget how much you're down. Think: from now on."

I'm sharing this with you today because I think we all have many times when we feel discouraged over things that seem to have gone wrong. We beat ourselves up for not making the "right" decision but we need to move on anyway instead of staying trapped in that unhealthy and useless cycle.

I was lucky enough to have someone push me out of that cycle and tell me to quit worrying about the past and move on. How many times do you hear that? These words just made more sense to me, I guess. "Think: from now on."

So I started applying it to everything in my life: work, relationships and myself. So far, it's given me a better perspective and positive action and I hope it will for you too.

For example, if you're working in a job or career where you feel like you have let opportunities pass that you should have pursued, don't get bogged down about what is "lost" think about the opportunities you have now or can get ready for in the future. Say, "From now on I'm going to _______." Fill in the blank with your wish list.

We all have relationships that we wish some aspect of it was different. Things we should have said or done that the time has passed, maybe it doesn't matter anymore. Or does it? Are there things you should still say or do? Can you get ready for the next time that situation comes up and handle it better next time (believe me, there will be a next time)? "From now on..."

Is there something you should be doing for yourself that you keep putting off or think the chance is gone? Think about what you can do from now on to make sure more doesn't pass you by.

So that's my story for today and my hope that every time you are facing a situation where you want to go deep into a dark hole of disappointment and regret you'll remember to say "From now on I'm going to..." and let me know how it goes!

Lots of love from me to you!

30 second tricks to rock your day...

Hi, again!

So, did you try anything from the last post on building healthy habits (click here)? How did it go?

This week, let's talk about 2 things you can do all day, that will take 5-30 seconds and make a huge difference in how you feel and your health in general.

Most people don't think much about their breathing and identifying peak energy times during the day, but they can be 2 things that only take a few seconds but can create profound positive changes.

So, you're probably thinking that breathing is automatic, no need to think about it and, for the most part, it is. What's interesting about breathing is that we can't live without it and we can control it easily, unlike other essential bodily functions like our heart beating. Consciously controlling your breath, specifically by doing deep breathing in this example, can help you to also take control of situations and your health!

Here's what I suggest:

1. Pick a time during the day to practice doing 3 deep belly breaths. These are those big, deep breaths that expand your lower abdomen and you can even feel it in your back and hips as those muscles relax and expand to allow more space for your breath.

A good way to make this a habit is to connect it with another activity you do during your normal day. It could be before returning messages after lunch, going to the bathroom, getting a cup of coffee/tea/water, waiting in line, or picking up the kids. Anything that you do every day and have 30 seconds to tack this on to one end.

The rest is super simple. Just sit comfortably or stand with your feet planted on the floor about hip width apart, roll your shoulders back and straighten your spine so you have good posture. Then, take a deep breath in through your nose while counting silently to 5 and then exhale through your mouth to a count of 5. Repeat that 2 more times and notice how you feel.

The science behind it is that when we breathe deeply, we are giving our body and brain a signal that everything is ok, which allows our stress response to turn off and causes all sorts of great things to happen. In a state of calm our bodies begin to heal and we are able to think more clearly to be more effective rather than just react to our situation. It also gives you a bump in oxygen to increase your energy and alertness helping you feel refreshed as well.

Now, #2 is to notice your overall energy and alertness through the day and leverage it to get back more time, stress less and be happy. You probably already know if you're a morning person or night owl, right? If you want extra credit on this one, carry a calendar or notepad with you for a week (maybe in your phone), and write down the times of day when you feel tired and when you feel really productive. Even on the weekend! You'll notice a pattern like an obvious 2 PM slump or an 9 AM spike in energy.

Take advantage of those times you're really "on" to schedule your most difficult tasks or time to do plan and analyze things. Examples: if you are teaching something, plan it for your "on" time or if you need to go to the Dr. try to schedule it at a time you will be most capable to ask questions and understand instructions.

Likewise, take advantage of your less productive time frames to schedule something mundane like a dentist appointment where the hour lying in a chair drooling won't matter or do your busy work and repetitive tasks that don't require much thought. You may even find that you can adjust almost your entire schedule to take advantage of your natural energy rhythm, over time, by making these small shifts. Bonus points if you can identify these time frames in the people around you the most, because you will be able to approach them at the most opportune times as well.

The benefits are huge! When you can leverage your strengths, you'll accomplish more and do everything with more excellence. You'll also feel less stressed out, which can mean less illness and bad moods leading to a lot more fun time doing things you enjoy with the people you love. Who doesn't want that?

Let me know how it goes. As always, I love hearing from you!

Here's another personal example from me so you can really see what I mean: I can rock 11 AM -3PM like nobody's business and then I get a second wind around 7 PM - 1AM so, if I have my choice I schedule meetings during mid-day and do any work that requires thought and attention in the evening. For example, if someone wants to schedule a consult I'll always choose a time when I know I'll be thinking quicker on my feet. Then, you'll often find me doing tasks like reviewing budgets and doing follow up emails after 3 pm because they are routine.

It wasn't always like this. I struggled for years with early morning bosses who would ask for updates first thing, when I was more apt to just get my computer on and read emails until my brain fully woke up. Once I learned to quit fighting my natural rhythm and wishing I was more of a morning person, I was able to take control of the situation and compromise, even without them knowing! Needless to say this created a lot of ease in my life, lowered my stress levels and made me a lot happier and fun to be around. Believe me, your coworkers appreciate it when you're happier.

So, I started poking my head in at the end of each day with an update for my boss, when I was able to be more coherent and it worked out brilliantly :) Not only did my boss love that I was proactively giving him the info he needed rather than having to drag it out of my foggy head everyday, he had it at his finger tips when he could best process it, the next morning. Win- win.

I started setting similar expectations with everybody and people love someone who is consistent above almost all else. Knowing when they could expect a returned email or phone call from me kept a lot of the needless follow-up and chasing to a minimum, which freed up even more of my time (and theirs) so I was able to focus on more value add work.

It only took a few weeks and my boss and coworkers were often calling me a "rockstar". I went from dreading every morning and spending afternoons feeling frazzled to knowing that I was going to be able to ease in to my day and be really productive and valued.

I know you can do this too and don't hesitate to let me know if you need help.

Until next time...don't forget to breathe!