When you feel like you're going to hit the wall...

One of the first things you have to learn in racing school is that if you feel like you're going to hit the wall, don't look at the wall!
Why?  Because we have a natural tendency to go toward what we look at and if you're feeling too close to crashing, the best thing to do is look the other way - look where you want to go instead and turn that way.  The funny thing is a lot of people can't learn to do it.

It is the same in regular life too.  So many people find themselves headed in a direction they don't want to go in their careers, relationships, health etc. and want to change their course but a lot can't quite make it.  The ones that do, though, are the people who can tear their concentration away from the potential disaster coming up and look toward what they desire.

I'm sure you've heard that old adage about “what you focus on grows” or some version of it.   That's basically what we're talking about here.

So, where are you going that you don't want to be?  Can I suggest rather than focusing on the thing you don't want, you flip your thoughts to what you do want?

For example, I have a client who had a New Year's goal of losing weight and for months she had been focused on losing that weight, cutting out sugar and processed foods and dieting, yet she didn't have much luck.
We did a quick exercise where she started to state what she did want: a bikini body, glowing skin and shiny hair.  Looking at that list, she said she felt more energized and positive about her desire and we made a simple plan for her to add things to her life that would help her achieve those goals instead of focusing on cutting out, losing and lack.  As she filled her days with the positive actions the things she didn't want naturally fell away and she has since reported amazing success!

The science is there too, showing that a reward is usually a much better motivator than punishment and that replacing a bad habit with something you'd prefer creates much more success than just trying to go "cold turkey".

I'd love to hear from you about the things you struggle with.  Are there ways you can turn it around to state what you do want instead of what you don't?  For example, if you hate your job how does it feel to think about what new job you want instead of just about how to escape the old job you don't?  Or if you're in a bad relationship, how much more empowered would you feel if you focus on the people you want to bring into your life more than the ones you want to kick out?
I'd bet you will feel more confident and find that transition happening so easily you'll hardly notice, when you're coming from an attitude of possibility instead of loss.
Let me know!

You've lost that vacation feeling

I have a question. Have you unwittingly designed a life you want to escape from?

I know a lot of people who start each week complaining that it's Monday and counting down to Friday, dragging through daily routines that feel soul crushing and commonly claim to be tired/stressed/too busy with a roll of the eyes and puffing of cheeks. In fact, I've been there too.

Some seem to enjoy the pain, but I don't believe that is the majority.  I think that they have unconsciously built a life that they want to escape from but don't know how, akin to Stockholm syndrome, only they are their own captor.

Then, they take a vacation or enjoy a weekend and find that it takes a couple days just to detach from things, have some fun and then experience this new phenomenon of "Sunday Night Blues" (read about it here).  It just doesn't seem right.

I've started to think of life like those stipple paintings, where the artist creates a whole picture one tiny dot at a time (hang in here with me). They have a bigger vision so they design the color, shape and spacing of each dot to create the larger piece but you have to have distance from it to see what it is.

So, what if, instead of believing that we have to make huge, dramatic (impossible) changes to have a life we love all the time, we just took it one dot at a time, rather than trying to cram it all into those scant 2 weeks a year and then losing the second we realize it's over?

One choice, one action and one thought at a time.

Then, maybe not tomorrow but a little while from now, we could look back and see the bigger picture and be pleased with it?

I know it's possible, simple even. All it takes is conscious intention and a habit to follow that intention.

For example, I currently intend to enjoy my life to the extreme, so I consider the prospect of enjoyment in everything I do.

Of course, I don't enjoy everything I do (cleaning bathrooms comes to mind) so the question sometimes is: how can I appreciate this?  

At first I didn't remember my intention because I was so busy with my old habit of just getting stuff done like a zombie and life still sucked, a lot.  I needed to remind myself so I started small with notes and items around my house, like a note on the fridge or a lipstick I love on my vanity to trigger that thought.  It only took a few days before I had an automatic, silent mantra: Do I enjoy this?  Sure, some of my choices haven't met the test and I'm not 100% blissed out all the time but when I look back, I can truly say the grand picture pleases me. I don't want to escape from it at all, I want to be tethered to it as it just keeps getting better and better.

I've moved on to bigger things as I gain more confidence and unlearn the concept of "no pain, no gain" and I'm living a life now where there are no more Sunday night blues or vacation withdrawal.  Each dot on my canvas gets me closer to a masterpiece - to my bigger vision, rather than just leading down a chaotic maze.  Do you want that too?

I have a second question for you now. What do you want your life to feel like? 

That is the secret sauce in this formula. To paraphrase Tim Ferriss:  "You don't want a million dollars, you want the life you think a million dollars will give you." Swap out "dollars" for friends/fame/belongings/career/etc. and it still stands. 

So, my advice is to remind yourself of the feeling and try to experience it as often as possible (set up reminders) and I think one day you'll look back and see that you have tossed away the life you wanted to escape and you're living one designed exactly how you like.

This is your life...

Let's play a game today. Take a few moments right now to look around you, really take everything in. What do you smell, feel, hear?

I'll wait...take as long as you need.

.....................................................................................................

Now, I want you to take one more look before you finish reading this and say out loud, “This is my life.”

How does that feel? Do you feel proud or disappointed? Are you relaxed and happy or stressed out and frustrated? How does your body feel when you say it?

One day, I took a break to have my favorite cup of tea outside during a gorgeous morning, the sunrise was breath taking and the flowers were blooming and fragrant, it was the kind of morning you wish you could just freeze frame forever. I thought, “What if this could be my life?” My heart unclenched and it hit me like a ton of bricks – It is! Colleen Bean...This.Is.Your.Life. Duh, right? 

But what I realized in that moment was that I got caught up in the doing of life – the job, the errands, the obligations, the un-fun things and looking toward a future “some day” when I would have done enough to finally have my dream life but all the while, here was my dream peeking in randomly, a minute at a time, but I was glossing over it.

I wonder if you feel that way too.

I made a pretty radical decision that day to live my dreams now because I didn't want to be disappointed or frustrated for one more second. I didn't want to die with regrets and I was acutely aware that death can come at any second (not in a morbid way, seriously).

You probably don't want to make such a radical decision as I did, or maybe you do. But, I want to invite you to the party, either way.

It's easy.

The first step is to just be aware of what is going on around you. Stop a few times a day and really experience what you are doing and what's going on around you. Maybe say to yourself, “This is my life!” - see how it feels. Take note of the things that make your heart happy and lean into them just a little longer. Extend those moments of love, hugs, fun, beauty and joy as long as you can and maybe a little longer. 

I promise, your life will get dreamy instantly.  Let me know how it goes.

A Musing About Pleasure

This morning I was having a gorgeous glass (or 3) of my (new) favorite (Italian) bubbly at the lodge and living my dreamy life.

I enjoyed that first sip and those first rays of sun so much, I thought I should share the joy so I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture for Instagram, but my hand looked awkward, so I took another which was blurry...you know the drill. Finally, I had this lovely picture, the sun was glinting perfectly and I posted it.

At that point, I realized that I had just spent some very precious moments of my life on something that was a shadow of the rich, pleasure filled moment. That picture I posted wasn't even a teeny glimpse into the magnificence of this gorgeous instant.

I missed out on being delighted in the occasion while the sun was traveling across the sky in an amazing light show, the sweet cold drink that I could have sipped like a hedonist while I enjoyed my company, the time and the space.

Instead, I stepped out of the moment (with good intention!) to share it with my loved ones far and wide who couldn't be here with me.

So, what is my point? I'm not sure, exactly. I think it is to inspire you to live without distraction in the moments you cherish most. To not make my mistake of taking a few frustrating pictures that caused me to judge the quality of the sun, the breeze, the position of my hand...which were perfect, except for the camera, and should have been savored.

It is not to discourage you from sharing your moments, not at all!  Just to be aware that, if in that moment your soul whispers to you to fully immerse yourself in it and ignore the rest of us, DO IT! Tell me about it later when you're sick in bed with a cold...”Once upon a time on this gorgeous day...” I'll appreciate it just as much then.