Dear Cece,
I broke up with my boyfriend but we
lived together and now he won't let me back in to get my things. He
said he will pack them up and I can come get them in the lobby of our
building next week. I'm worried that he will keep or damage things
since it was a bad break up. What can I do?
-A
Dear A,
I'm not a lawyer, so first off I'd
suggest you contact one or at least the police and see what legal
rights you have about your property.
As for the emotional situation you're
dealing with, my advice is to forgive, forgive, forgive.
I, myself, have been through bad
breakups and lost things in the process that I wish(ed) to keep (and
don't miss them at all now!) so will you.
The hardest part of breaking up though,
is the emotional loss of a huge part of your lifestyle and a person
you valued so much. The first step is to forgive yourself for any
resentment you have around it and forgive him for any wrongs you
blame him for. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, it means releasing
from the negativity that bleeds into every other part of your life
and keeps you from fully receiving all the good things around you.
Release your regrets, anger and negativity so you can move on. I
know, this is easier said than done but if you are even a tiny bit
willing to forgive, it will happen and these belongings you're
worried about will seem less crucial to your happiness.
As for your property, again this is
easier said than done, but try to remember that it doesn't make you
happy and you aren't your stuff. It's all just mementos of your life
and what you really value are the experiences and memories that are
associated with it – cherish those. Forgive him if things are
broken or missing, intentional or not.
Don't get me wrong, if you have
valuable items and irreplaceable family heirlooms, you should fully
expect them to be returned and pursue that! I'm just saying, there's
always more of everything in this world but if you spend your energy
and your life obsessing over what you can't control, you won't have
the opportunity to bring in more shiny new things and amazing
experiences into your life.
On a side note, you might find that a
lot of those things hold bad memories of your old relationship and
you won't want them later anyway.
Everyone has "baggage" make
sure what you're hauling around is worth it to you. :)
I hope this helps, please let me know
how it goes!
Lots of Love,
Cece
